Il Fuoco di Sciocco, "Fool's Fire"

I remember cold hollow days,
Alone in my cage,
Observing the world passing me by
Full of life and love
And I, as a bird in a cage,
Withered away…

When I managed to spread my wings
And for moments fly free, there were always vultures circling,
Waiting to devour my beauty.
I sacrificed myself to them,
Over and over again..

That was then.

I Left that bird behind, in that gilded cage,
Cowering in the shadows, Good as dead,
With an open door that might have well been a wall;
For that bird wore my pain, as if skin and feathers of lead.

I was a caged bird, because I allowed myself to be..
To experience the opposite of me.

That was then.

Now I walk through fire.
That bird has been freed, and I fly out of this world and back again;
I am in this world but not of it.
I walk through fire, and I’ve got the power.

I gave you a gift of energy, an act of love.
I held your weary head in my hands,
Awash in light of a universal embrace..and after
this still your fear wants to control me.

In you I see those vultures circle,
in you a phrase that pertains to ordinary people:

When “they” say people don’t appreciate what they get for free
“they” know what they are talking about.

And still I fly free.

To Owe and to Own, To Have and to Hold: Dovere e Possedere, Avere e Tenere; Devoir et posséder ,Avoir et se tenir

One of the most important truths about this life in the world of the Relative is..I OWE YOU NOTHING...and even more important, it's verso..YOU OWE ME NOTHING.

The first half of this truth is shocking to our human senses not because of it's direct statement, but of the reverse implied: THAT NO ONE OWES US. Instead of dancing with joy to the freedom of the first part of this truth, the self-serving human mind prefers to grab and hold onto whatever control it can try to have over another: You Owe Me. This takes away our own responsibility for our own unhappiness and places blame on another.

Isn't the human mind grand? To rather forsake its own freedom in attempt to own the freedom of another. Examine human behavior throughout history: whether political, domestic, romantic: the human goal is most often to control another human, to have and to hold someone else, even if that means to have a caged bird with tied-up wings, all the while "admiring" it's withering beauty..because in its death it is no longer a threat to our own emptiness, our own fear that we will never be as beautiful and as free.

Another great truth in this life: WE BELONG TO NO ONE, NO ONE BELONGS TO US. And at the same time, we all belong to each other in the infinity beyond this earthplane. To Have, To Hold, To Owe, To Own: these are all restrictive actions that disallow newness and the abundance of life into our selves.

The only "thing" we truly own in this life are our Choices. As it stands, we choose to be in this life because our souls choose to experience ourselves outside of just simply knowing. Each soul on its own path: some seemingly trapped in vicious circles, some breaking through life after life..it's not for us to judge the correct path for each soul. However, freedom is within grasp by exercising the Power of our Choices. Our Choices allow us to create our world: from our thoughts, emotions, words, actions, beliefs, we choose in order to create the life we want.

This brings to question the isolation of being an individual human outside of the glorious infinity we join after death: It's for us to experience that no one can save us, no one can fill up the void within, no one can make us happy in a lasting way, no one can solve our problems: only we can do this unto ourselves. Further, that we can become complete unto ourselves. What better opportunity in life than to CHOOSE to create our lives the way we want them to be, and to CHOOSE to be our own heroes? You want a certain experience in this life? Well...go CREATE it!

Ennead: Casting Out Nines

In every ending is a beginning.

The first writing session for my solo album has reached its end, and subsequently a new starting point. 9 songs have been written by Davide and Eraldo, and each one is an amazing story unto itself; a testament, a monument, a documentary of the struggles and wars waged to overcome all odds arriving at last at empowerment. They are the songs of brave warriors standing in the glow of a most brilliant sunrise after winning the war. For me, these songs represent the very process to which I am so devoted: taking the bold journey within, keeping an open heart, and being true to oneself...and in the end, these songs represent the very best of all three of us.

To say it plain, these songs are fucking brilliant.

Emotion is energy in motion, and these songs pulsate and vibrate in immense emotion. They are paintings, incredible emotion poured into sound, dreamscapes for me to dive in and travel with my voice. In Crisis, I likened the music to mountains, and I was the climber. In this triumverate, I am an equal part, finding a deeper journey that involves melding into the music, becoming entangled..a dance of sorts. And it's glorious.

The Number 9 is the number of COMPLETENESS and old cycles ending. It is the first composite "lucky" number. Nine is strongly associated with the Chinese dragon, a symbol of magic and power.In the Christian angelic hierarchy there are 9 choirs of angels.There are nine circles of Hell in Dante's Divine Comedy...and at the fountainhead of all this is me: Scorpio, sign of Transmutation and Transformation. How appropriate for this ending whose beginning has now arrived for me to write my vocals for these songs, which will transform and transmute them further through the power of word.

La Libertà Di Amore

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment...There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love....1 John 4:17-18 17

Giudice e Giuria

I've been going through an important purification these past days, a final frontier, if you will, of reclaiming myself. I've been releasing the last bit of scar tissue from my past, saying goodbye to lessons learned that I no longer need, forgiving everyone who hurt me.

Since these "final frontier" feelings are related to my history in music, I began to think about why I left the business in the first place: it's the same reason I left relationships behind that didn't work for me--people thinking they own me.

The irony of music, for me, was in my expression and the perception. My actions are about opening my soul in earnest attempt at catharsis..opening myself naked and raw, and my art and photographs also represent this struggle, this shamanic journey to break free from these earthly illusions, to go deep within.
For me the irony here is that in this pure offering, I've experienced people who have decided they know who I am and what I think based on their perception from afar, never having asked me any questions nor taken the time to get to know me. As a a result, my various "owners" change direction in their feelings for me from adoration to condemnation based on their judgement of their perception of me. My actions follow my sense of integrity, which is to do what is natural to me. And when these natural actions are disapproved of, suddenly I've fallen from some state of grace I've never elected myself to.

I've come so far from that time when this would bother me. The stalkers, the haters..I have so many friends who began as fans that I choose to embrace the beauty of human nature here and forgive the other desperate version. For me, this album was a choice of something that had to be done for my own empowerment..I never expected so much support and lovely energy coming from people who are happy to hear me sing again. Those "fans" are more, they are a community, fellow seekers, there's an offering of communion, exchange of thoughts and ideas, back -and -forth-conversation. And isn't that what art is all about anyway..making us think and discuss? This, of course, requires honesty. Hiding behind insecurity and heated words only reveals a fear of change, a need for comfort zone, a loss of sense of place and self.

This time around, I see through all the artifice and my vision is completely different. I see this odd parade as a sad trail of hurting souls who are looking for someone else to fill them up. Energy vampires who only see their own needs.This of course, describes only the element who think they own me. I feel compassion. I forgive.More than that, I embrace the tribe around me with no expectation, only joy. It will wax and wane for sure,as life here in this world of relative is impermanence.

I am no longer broken, there are no cracks in my shell. Beware, only a Warrior of Light lives within.

I am deeply, madly, crazy in love

WE ARE ON FIRE

The songs keep coming, every day, one more powerful that the next!! Dont' even try to formulate a preconceived notion about the magic we are creating..so many suprises..I am addicted to these songs, they are like glorious burning blood rushing through my veins. I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY. WE ARE ABLAZE.

THE POWER IS HERE..

I just received my Mac book today, got my Mbox 2 a few days ago..just waiting for one more component to arrive. Machines and machine parts have taken over my desk. Luckily they are quite tiny. This will allow me to begin sketching out the vocal ideas I have via proTools. I'm am so fucking ready for this! This modern primitive has joined the world of modern technology...

More importantly, my writing team Eraldo and Davide are seriously working the magic in Tuscany!! So far they have sent me two tracks and they ABSOLUTELY SLAY. If my heart and soul could break open and speak, this is EXACTLY what thir stories would sound and feel like: there is darkness and light, and haunted delicate sounds, and heavyness and fire and lightning and sorrow and mystery. AND, this is JUST THE BEGINNING!

It's not lost on me that we are a triumverate, and it's not lost on me the power and significance in that number. As each human being is a three-fold being, we are each three-in-one, you could say, in this world of Relative: body,mind,spirit; id, ego, superego; here,there, the space in between; conscious, subconscious, superconscious;past, present, future; energy, matter, antimatter; phyiscal, the non-physical, the metaphysical: Eraldo, Davide, Karyn..the POWER is here...

..As I die unto myself..

Something in the air today has reminded me what I felt the week of my birthday--that my New Year has already begun.As as I jogged today I took in all the scenery around me,and I found myself thinking about how far I’ve come since I moved up here almost 3years ago. That journey’s purpose was to find out what I was made of all on my own and to find some hope once again. That journey has completed itself and I’m onto a new one. As such, I’ve I realized I feel myself, in this season of fall, saying goodbye to what’s around me..I’ll be moving on from this place and into a nomadic lifestyle again…

To burn myself down then be born again…

The fires of purification are not about “cleaning” oneself in a puritanical fashion, but letting go of comforts and artifice, including one’s pain, turning the voices in one’s head around into friend from foe. To burn in the fire and see what parts of self are left afterwards, then to begin again, realizing that all choices I make are declarations of who I AM and who I want to be.

Some of my wishes when I moved to NoCal: to find out what I’m made of all on my own, to fight down my demons in the proverbial desert and cast them off forever, to go to jungle in south America and study with shaman, to reach enlightenment or some sort of breakthrough out of the vicious cycle of the phoenix, to have positive people come into my life to whom I could give back, to be released of the darkness that has haunted me since I was a child so I can examine it without suffering its disabling grip.. .and I received all my wishes in one form or another.

Since I was a child, I wanted so much to have a little place called home, with a warm lamp to read by, yet it’s never come to me. My life once again seems determined to remind me that my home is within myself.

“The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot yet be reborn. In this interregnum, a great variety of morbid symptoms appear” -Antonio Gramsci, "The Prison Notebooks.”
I remember finding this quote in a photo book at photographer Richard Hobbs' apartment. I was working on Crisis’ “8 Convulsions” album artwork at the time and was looking for something..something that said it all. When I opened Richard’s book, the first page showed a black ann white photo of a cemetery, with Antonio’s quote underneath it. The words hit me so hard, I immediately screamed “That’s it!” and copied down the quote. (And then later read his book).

Now that the oldness within me has died, and the huge amount of morbid symptoms have disappeared in the light of my rebirth, I am excited at the endless choices I am now making to create my life from this point onward...

My World Of Earth and Aether

I've finally slayed this beast of a painting. It's the first large-scale acrylic painting I've done in quite some time. After the lovely and hypnotic blendability of oils, it's been difficult for me to accept the rigid quality of acrylics. Of course I like that they dry much faster, so between layers of paint I don't have to wait days and days until I lay down the next. During this painting, though, I began to accept them for what they are and learned to like the fact that translucent layering can be done without mediums even.

Throughout my music and art career I've delved into both worlds of light and dark, and I believe in order to know one's true essence, one must experience the opposite of what one is. The yin and yang, earth and aether, light and darkness..these dualities exist in each one of our souls and much of my lyrics have documented my journeys into these worlds. This painting represents my dualities and the doorway through which I can leave them behind.

Painting is 16" x 20" on canvas stretched over 3/4" wooden stretcher bars.

Completed 24th November, 2008.

Welcome to my Blog...

..So Welcome to my Blog..My website (www.KarynCrisis.com) is down for a while until I can update it...which it sorely needs. For now, I'll be writing updates here and on my Myspace pages: Myspace.com/KarynCrisisMusic and Myspace.com/Exorsister. BIG NEWS coming tomorrow..For tonite I am trying to get away from this computer and get back to working on two more acrylic paintings..Sweet dreams...

"Labyrinthine" acrylic painting for sale

I've just completed this new acrylic painting, "Labyrinthine". I painted it on Canva paper, which is an acid-free archival paper with a thicnkess similar to Bristol Board. It's been texturized to resemble linen. Back in my middle-school years, acrylics were may favorite paints, and at times I globbed them on for texture, since they hold their thick shape so well. I'd even paint using paintbrush stems and ballpoint pens. I got into oils in high school and loved the mysterious quality the colors have and the blendability. I began working with watercolors (the ones in tubes) when I started the "Methodology" graphic novel. The only oil painting I did in the 1990s was on my painted black n white photos. "The Contract" was the first oil painting I'd done in years. So, now I'm trying to get into acrylics again. I find them difficult and stubborn after working with oils for so long..at the same time, they dry fast and you can layer as much as you want without worrying about the "fat over lean" rule of oils. My camera definitely doesn't capture the subtleties of color, unfortunately!For more detailed photos of this painting, go to www.Myspace.com/Exorsister.It's on sale on EBAY.com. Go to Ebay.com and search:Karyn Crisis, or use link:http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=320317577480.

"Squaring the Circle"

"Squaring the Circle" is a concept I became fascinated with when I was studying Sacred Geometry. The first version of this painting focused on the concept via one of the mathematical formulations for "squaring the circle", which is the idea of Oppopsites being One at the same time (yin and yang, the meeting of heaven and earth..) After my Reiki I attunement, I tried to sell this painting, but it didnt' sell. This was the first painting I put up for sale that didn't end up selling! Then I received a "message" that the painting wasn't completed...and as I sat looking at it for days on end, I realized the focus of the painting, for me, shifted to the concept of "opening" to enlightenment,and I therefore reworked it to reflect not the mathematical representation of two becoming One, but a representation of the actual "process" of this happening, which I now understood from personal experience.
The "blue" verison is the BEFORE and the gold, more Byzantine style version is the AFTER. I do want to find a way to use the original "blue" color again, though.For more detailed pictures of this painting you can visit: www.Myspace.com/Exorsister".

Paintings I've sold since 2007...

As this year is coming to an end, many projects I've had in the works for a while are coming to fruition. So I took a look back at the paintings I've made and sold since 2007...and I think how ironic that I almost gave up painting at the end of 2006 and into 2007 because I found it so frustrating. I could see the paintings in my mind, but attempting to give birth to them on the canvas was so damn difficult...like a math problem. I remember getting so angry that I couldn't "figure out" how to paint..because painting for me had always been something that happened when I "plugged into" the moment of "now"; it just happened, like channelling, and I didn't have to "figure out" any part of the equation. One day I had a breakthrough regarding a dry brushing technique that became the solution to my previously "unsolvable math problem", and painting became effortless again. I've got a lot to learn still, but now at least the painting is happening, as is the growing and learning, and that's what's important; not the outcome, but the journey..In fact, I always think I'm not being productive enough. When I take the time to look back I see this isn't true; yet the bigget picture still is that no matter how productive you are, it will never be enough. You will never know everything...and in the end, it doesn't even matter. These matters are but tiny human worries that distract us from larger joys. It's all about the journey...

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