Sunday, March 1, 2009

Deliverance

I'm coming back to the East Bay 2 months early, and I couldn't be happier. My fiance, Davide, and I have managed to have an incredible adventure together like the nomads we are: supernatural mornings as the sea, midnight visits to monuments like the tower of Pisa and Medieval town of Siena, farting inside the Vatican, the healing of my food allergies of 20 years, explosive passion in the open air, personal triumphs on the way to Rome, the most magical and intimate musical moments by candlelight...

Other than that, Tuscany, and my other so-called "friends" here can go fuck their spineless selves while I laugh at their lack of conviction.
Taking the greatest love of my life out of the picture, I have been abandoned in a guest house in the middle of Tuscan olive country. This means, without my fiancee, I'd be without car, without mobile, without internet, without a way to get food or supplies other than walking for a couple of hours one-way to the nearest grocery store.



Before I arrived, I had invitations from these "friends" to come visit their respective houses in Milan, Tuscany, Ferrara, etc, as thanks for Reiki I'd sent them. I didn't ever ask to be "repaid;" these offers came to me from them at their own volition. Since I've been here, not a single one of them has called to see how I am doing, to see if I need anything, to ask how my life is, being that I rearranged my entire life to come here..all of them full-well knowing I've been abandoned by everyone but my fiancee.



Truth be told, the most important part of this trip for me was to arrive in Davide's arms. Mission accomplished. And I'm so full of joy, I am home. I am so full of love and so loved. So immensely loved..at a time in my life where I finally believe I deserve this galactic love and at a time where my heart is so open I'm capable of giving such galactic love in such a pure way.
He's the one I've been searching for over time and space, and finally we found each other. Perhaps because we're so in love, I've not taken this weird turn of events personally. I like to see the larger purpose in chaos, in messes, even in the lovely victories. When life presents its piles of shit to us, I like to think those shit piles represent opportunity: chances to make choices that tell the world who we are, who we want to be. My choices here have done just that: they prove that I believe in myself, even in situations where people would try to make me believe I am worth nothing. I choose to make choices that protect my vision, my rights, my love, my passion, my moving of energy. As a result, the earth and air and water and aether have made their power available to me. It is in these powers I believe, and in the power of creation within myself.

It's impossible to distinguish my flame. It's infinite. I've even tried to put it out in the past, but it's meant to shine. SHINE BRIGHT, SWEET LIGHT.

3 comments:

Kim Gordon's son said...

Power to you K.

Helene said...

They sound like some bad "friends".
But you seem to handle it very well and see the positive in the whole thing.
Good going, and i personally think we can all learn something from you.

Sarah said...

Abandonment does not have to equate lonliness. As you have seen, it can lead to unhindered adventures and wandering in at any hour and out again whenever you choose.

Abandonment can be freedom. If you so choose it to be.

I am glad you've found someone to enjoy being alone with. It's one of the secret joys in life.